Ode to White Pants

Toffee @ Tuesday 10th May, 2005

O! Sing of the pants of the palest shade,
For which many men's hearts have lecherously strayed.
O! Sing of those pants which make everyone sweat,
Those white pants for Shooters which all girls should get.

How could someone resist
Such a wonderful thing
As those skintight white pants
Of which we now sing?

How could someone reject
And away coldly stride
From a beautiful girl
In these pants we describe?

How could he realise
That look in her eyes
Is not lust as he thinks:
She just wants two dollar drinks.

And so in conclusion
I want to restate
That these sexy white pants
Are orgasmically great.

FlexiBus Extreme

nemesis @ Friday 15th April, 2005

Well, I'm sure everyone's seen the new FlexiBus ads on TV by now. Unfortunately, I doubt FlexiBus will be all it's hyped up to be (well, by my standards).

So, I decided to propose an improved system: FlexiBus Extreme.

Here's how it works:

For Scheduled Passengers:
This is intended for passengers who know when they want to get on a bus, about 30 minutes before they actually do (i.e., the organised ones who know exactly where they are heading -- supermarket, shops, library, etc).

You log into the FlexiBus Extreme website with your mobile number (everyone has one now, right?).
You pick the route you want to ride on, and drill down till you get to a map resembling the one below.
You're presented with this map, complete with bus stops, and when other passengers want to get on at a particular stop.
You pick the stop you want to get on at, and enter the time you want to get on at.

The FlexiBus Extreme system then does some funky calculations, and schedules the optimum route, as close to passenger's boarding time as possible. The system sends you an SMS when the bus will be at your nominated stop, 10 minutes before the bus is scheduled to arrive there.

For Unscheduled Passengers:
These are the passengers who just "want to hop on a bus". These passengers will probably not have Internet Access.

Each bus stop will be assigned a unique ID (I believe they already have one.) The passenger will call ACTION (i.e., 13 17 10), and tell them what stop theyre at. The operator will check current bus schedules along that route and inform the passenger when the next bus will pass. The operator will also add a scheduling point (as above) in the system, with the current time.

If there is no bus scheduled to pass the bus stop the passenger is at within 30 minutes, the operator will add a scheduling point in the system, and the system will generate a new route as appropriate.

The main problem with this idea is communication. Communication is often annoying, and often expensive.

Communication with Passengers
Do you really want to pester a passenger via SMS to tell them the bus will be one minute late? An even better idea would be to have an LED/LCD display at bus stops saying when the next bus is arriving, and a button a passenger can push so the system knows there's someone there who wants to get on... But then you have to deal with dickhead kids who press the button and run off...

Busses should have Transponders.
The scheduling system will always be up to date. It will know where every bus is, when every passenger wants to get on, etc. The system will likely need some way to communicate route updates to bus drivers.

I know, it probably won't happen for another 10 years, but hey, I can dream....

Canberra Nightlife -THE NUTSHELL

mason @ Tuesday 13th July, 2004

Canberra Nightlife - THE NUTSHELL GUIDE

1. If you want to see girls in skimpy, bright clothes and listen to music that goes doof, doof, doof all night, go to Insomnia.

2. If you want to wear your suit with pride and drink cocktails with all the other 'wanna-be's, who never will be' go to Hippo Bar or Holy Grail in Kingston.

3. If you want to get laid, go to PJ O'Reilly's in Tuggeranong, King O'Malley's in the city or any other pub with an Irish name.

4. If you want to get kissed on the cheek by a drunken old German man, go to the Harmony German Club or the Irish Club in Mawson.

5. If you wanna pick up within the first 10 minutes of arriving, you can always try the vast array of aussie chicks who can't dance to save themselves at ICBM. All you have to do is call out "Tracey!!" or "Cheryl!!" and you'll be right mate.

6. If you want to wear black dress pants, tight-fitting coloured shirts with six of your mates in the same gear and drink imported beers, go to B Bar.

7. If you want to see the absolute scum of the earth - go to the Chisholm Tavern for half price beers from 6 till 7.

8. If you drive a WB Ute complete with bull bar, 2 meter UHF aerial, 'shoot ferals' & 'get real get wool' stickers, wear RM's, moleskins & chambray shirts and claim your family was originally "from the land", go to Platinum in Queanbeyan.

8. If you'd like to see girls in white pants with dirty knees... go to South Pac... eewww! One of the few places where girls use the pickup line "hi, I'm 16" (and it works!)

9. If you want to cheap feed that doesn't taste like crap (after 12 beers does anything taste like crap?), go to Chicken Gourmet. You can dead-set afford to eat out now every night.

10. If you don't want to have to shave your armpits, think peroxide spikes are sexy, or otherwise like the female population... head to Tilley's.

11. If you want some competition - any kind really, glam, sham or macho man, look no further than Quattro; some of the shallow passive aggressive types...hey what you looking at?

12. If you don't know f*#k-all about music, or have atrocious taste, but like the idea of kids on drugs, you might be tempted by one of Canberra's fabulous raves! See Lot 33

13. Cheap drinks, cheap clothes and Uni students on tap .. head to the RSL Club on Saturday night.

14. Down on Denim? It's all class at Bobby McGee's where stonewash jeans are strictly no go.

15. If you want to try your luck competing with 30 something year olds for some of that glamour tail, Holy Grail in Civic is the place to be.

16. If you still wanna something different, try going to Mooseheads ...
Hmmm...Mooseheads... the place where that "I'm a Barbie Girl" song by Aqua is classified as "techno".

17. Tripping and need some music to go off to? Babylon is the place for you.

18. If you have ever gone to Daramarlan or are even associated with anyone that is there or has gone there, try Shooters

19. Feel a bit fired up and would like to get in a brawl? Jackson's has someone there waiting for you ... guaranteed.

Firefox THIS!

nemesis @ Thursday 1st July, 2004

After a colleague convinced me to downlod a copy of Mozilla Firefox, claiming that it was the "Internet Explorer killer", I have to say, I was sorely disappointed, for a couple of reasons.

1. Broken skin/theme support.

One of FireFox's trumpeted "new features" is skin/theme support. As you can see from the screenshot, it's broken. I tried three skins; unsuccessfully. It turns out that it's fine if you restart the browser, but that's beside the point. The interface doesn't tell you that it needs restarting.

2. While not browser realated, as a web developer, you hear both sides of the coin. Mozilla/etc browser users always complain that your site is "Designed for Internet Explorer", and doesn't display properly in their browser. They claim that because your site isn't standards compliant, it shouldn't exist.

I show you; a page from FireFox, displayed in Internet Explorer:

In a similar way to FF's skin support, it's broken.

"Maybe it's just Internet Explorer", i thought:

Nope, it would seem that the FireFox page authors themselves shun the standards. If I ever hear another Mozilla/Gecko/Firebird/Firefox user complain about standards non-compliance, I'll wring their neck.

Some other things..
3. While they've dramatically improved FireFox's load time, it's just not on-par with IE. I know; several components of IE are loaded with the Operating System, but you're not going to get the masses to use a new browser if they have to wait.

4. The interface is gluggy. In a similar manner to almost ALL Linux (or Open Source in general) interfaces, FireFox has a gluggy interface. It took me ten minutes to figure out how to move the Address bar to the line below the back/foreward buttons. And how do I turn off the damn Google toolbar?? (For those who are wondering: Create a new toolbar, drag the Google one to it, then turn the toolbar off).

Internet Explorer users are used to the ieda of being able to drag their toolbars, rearrange them, etc; without having to Right click and hit Customise. Don't want the Google toolbar? You don't have to create a new toolbar for it and disable it -- it's counter intuitive.

While many people think IE and Microsoft are the spawn of the Devil; I still believe that IE is a great, easy to use product, and until someone comes up with something better (And yes, I've tried Opera, Safari, etc), you're not going to knock it out of First Place.