Otherwise known as:
The Magical Quest for the Seven Deadly Signatures of Doom
I received my Quest instructions via email. The Almighty Goddess of Bureaucracy herself had communicated to me that unless I recovered the Seven Deadly Signatures of Doom by the evening of the final day of the seventh month, my blood and that of my kin would be spread over the great land of Uni. And so, panicked, I signalled my intentions the Great One by frantically closing my inbox, curling up into the foetal position in the corner of my room and sobbing for my mummy. This was not my first Quest: it was yet another in a series of arduous, life threatening and hair raising missions the Great Goddess had sent me on.
And so, after regaining my composure, I set off. Some of the Signatures I obtained quickly, through methods of stealth and ambush. Others I had to bide my time for and stalk my prey patiently, but in the end they too came into my possession. And so soon, the final day of the seventh month dawned and I was missing but one signature. None of my clever ploys had managed to bring this one to light and I was beginning to despair. In one last deperate attempt before I doomed myself to eternal damnation in the hellfires of... hell(?), I approached my prey's habitat directly: the maths staffroom. Alas! I did not discover my final Signature there! It had been abducted and spirited away to the great dark land of Conference! I would not be returned until the next week! I WAS DOOMED!!!!!!!
And here I am, back at uni, back at work, back in Canberra. How I wish I'd found that last Signature...